When someone is diagnosed with dementia it can have a profound effect on relationships. This includes not just a spousal relationship but any type of relationship, from children and grandchildren to siblings and friends.
Relationship concerns
If someone you care about has been diagnosed with dementia, it can be a worrying time. You know that the person will change and the concern that they may not recognise you one day can be one of the most distressing thoughts. It can be comforting to remember that, whilst there will be times when they appear not to recognise you, there will be times when something you say or do will remind them of the past. This will allow you to connect with them in that moment.
Maintaining connections through dementia
A person with dementia cannot retain short-term memories, such as what they ate an hour ago, or a conversation they had with you a few moments before. However, they will find it easier to recall memories from the past, which is why reminiscing is such an important part of keeping relationships strong. So, if it was customary to buy roses on Valentine’s Day, keep the tradition going! My dad always sang “Funny Valentine” to my mum when he got home from work – songs and music can be a great way to trigger memories from the past. Even if the person you care about is in residential care, try not to change these traditions. The carers will help you set up the occasion as they understand its importance to your relationship.
Keeping an open mind
Whatever your relationship with a person with dementia, it’s important to accept that whilst it might have it’s lows, there will still be high points too. There will be days when you visit and your loved one won’t remember who you are, but there will also be days when they will.
When I worked as a carer in a residential home (and now as I support my mum through her diagnosis), I always made sure to go into each visit with an open mind and take it one minute at a time. Start the conversation in the same way, no matter what the mood, as this helps them understand who you are. Go with the flow of the conversation – after all, you would have done that before. You may find that one conversation leads to a totally different topic, but does that matter?
Always remember that the person in front of you is the person you love. Whatever your relationship is with them, this is the person you have shared experiences with, made memories with, the person you have laughed and cried with, and nothing can take that away. Even if you think a visit hasn’t gone as you hoped, it will make a difference to the person you visited. Deep inside, they will remember that something was different about the day you have visited them. They may not remember who has been to see them when they go to bed that night, they may not remember what you said to them, but they will remember that something was different and they will remember that today someone was kind to them, someone made them smile, and they will fall asleep easier and more relaxed.
About the Author: Catherine Veits works with people online and face to face from our Lincoln clinic : “My passion is working with people and their families or friends who have been affected by dementia. My own personal experiences and my training as a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist means I am uniquely placed to help people cope better with the stress and anxiety this condition brings to both the individual and their loved ones. I will guide you through the different stages and help you find ways to adjust to the changes so that you can find a positive way to live with dementia.”
If you are struggling to come to terms with a diagnosis of dementia (for yourself or someone you love) it may be helpful to speak to one of the Inspired to Change team to find out how solution focused hypnotherapy could support you. Inspired to Change Hypnotherapists work online and are based across the UK in Bristol, Cambridgeshire, Devon, Essex, Kent, Leicestershire, Lincolnshire, Northamptonshire, Norfolk, Somerset and South Gloucestershire.
Inspired to Change Hypnotherapists are all recognised by the National Council for Hypnotherapy, the UK’s leading not-for-profit hypnotherapy professional association.
