How imposter syndrome started for me
When most people think of me or see me, they might think of my brightly coloured blue/turquoise hair, my flamboyant clothes and having a real sense of confidence… and that is me. I love being me and this gives me the confidence in everything I do… Well, that is me now, now that I’m back to being my authentic happy self.
I struggled for a long time with imposter syndrome and self-limiting beliefs. At the time, I didn’t know this was what it was called or that it even had a name. This wasn’t something that appeared overnight: it was a gradual process. Maybe it started with self-doubt or questioning my capabilities – was I really good at my job or was I a fraud? Whenever it started, it had a huge impact on my life both professionally and personally.
I was working in IT – specifically, in the finance industry, building up a wealth of experience in the corporate sector. I worked my way up from the very bottom. I was one of those technicians that told people to ‘switch it off and switch it on again’ when they called their friendly work IT department. I worked for 20 years in leadership and senior roles. It was fun, I loved my job and I enjoyed the teamwork. More importantly, I enjoyed my ability to help people.
However, as I progressed up the career ladder, I was driven more by pressure and results to work harder, quicker and better. As a result, I suffered the mental health impacts associated with anxiety and stress.
I couldn’t explain what was happening then or understand why, but I do now. I’m going to explain it so other people don’t feel as isolated and lonely as I did.
What’s it like experiencing imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome was first recognised in the 1970s and is classified as a group of negative thoughts, self-sabotaging behaviours and limiting feelings of self-belief. They cluster together to create a syndrome that can have a significant impact on your emotional functioning. It can lead to feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem, depression and frustration due to the thoughts and behaviours that result.
I wouldn’t have recognised this at the time, but what I did recognise was that I had very low self-esteem and I didn’t believe in myself or my capabilities. I lived in fear of ‘failing’ – not just in my job – and thought I was only one conversation away from being found out as a ‘fraud’. This was coupled with guilt about any successes that I did have or any praise I received, and the cycle of perfectionism that I was in. I was trying to prove myself and that I was able to do my job, working harder than anyone else so I didn’t get ‘caught out’.
Burnout
It’s no surprise that I burnt out and was unable to function.
My levels of anxiety had become so great I felt exhausted and overwhelmed. I was no longer able to work. Burnout is defined as a state of physical and emotional exhaustion. It can occur when you experience long-term stress in a job, or when you have worked in a physically or emotionally draining role for a long time. A survey by YouGov for the charity Mental Health UK in 2020 found one in five people felt unable to manage pressure and stress levels at work. Other research found that burnout among UK workers almost doubled from 2021 to 2022 and that a staggering 88% of the UK workforce has experienced burnout since 2020.
Anxiety and Imposter Syndrome
When we experience high levels of stress and anxiety our brains produce cortisol. This comes from our adrenal system, which regulates these biochemical responses. We normally produce cortisol in response to fight or flight emergencies and situations that are hopefully few and far between.
But if we’re constantly worrying about our job or seeking validation from others to convince ourselves that we are good enough, we have a constant level of stress and anxiety. The adrenal system is then constantly producing cortisol and it literally gets burnt out. High levels and/or extended periods of stress and anxiety can also lead to a lowering of the immune system, making us feel physically as well as mentally ill.
In my case, I was paralysed and unable to make a decision about even day-to-day tasks, let alone my future. I was the procrastination queen! I stayed in my job, fearful about my ability to do anything else beyond this role. I was fearful about almost everything, leaving my job, and my career, fearful of relationships and even social situations – yet another symptom of imposter syndrome.
Of course, I hid it well. I wanted to keep this a secret. Who wants to admit to struggling in their job, in their daily lives on a daily basis, that everyone else seems to do so effortlessly?
Imposter syndrome strips you of everything you recognise as ‘you’. All your confidence goes, that spark that gets you out of bed each morning with a zest for life and you fluctuate between high anxiety (what’s wrong with me? Who is judging me today? How long can I keep doing this? What if I get found out?) Swinging into depression, not wanting to go out, not wanting to see people, and feeling helpless and hopeless.
Why our brain produces imposter syndrome
The main part of the brain responsible for these exaggerated thoughts and feelings is the fight or flight area of the brain, the amygdala. You might also have heard it referred to as part of our limbic system and it is one of the parts of our brain that controls our emotions and behaviours. Its main function is survival, to keep us alive, and it will always see things from a negative perspective.
If we take away our modern society and imagine we’re a distant ancestor hunting, gathering and trying to stay alive day-to-day, it makes sense why we have this mechanism. Unfortunately, our brains have adapted these responses to all our modern-day issues and we still have the same response. This part of the brain sometimes goes into a high alert status, seeing everything as a threat, everything as a danger. Cue symptoms of imposter syndrome! (There are many other ways anxiety and stress can manifest too with other depression and anxiety disorders).
Using our brains to cope better
On the flip side of this, when we interact or think in a positive way and when we are active in a positive way, (I’m talking actions rather than just exercise, although this helps too), we produce consistent patterns in our brain which cause the release of various neurotransmitters. The most important is serotonin (also called the happy hormone) and this keeps us in a mentally healthy place.
When we produce serotonin and other chemicals, we get a reward that enables us to feel good and cope better with situations. Our brain can make a full assessment of any situation we’re in and come up with the correct answers.
It sounds easy, doesn’t it? And, with practice, it can be. Because when interacting, thinking and acting in a positive way, we’re able to start to reduce anxiety and stress levels. This starts to turn down that fight or flight response and we no longer experience the intrusive negative thoughts of imposter syndrome.
My experience of imposter syndrome at work
I did try and make sense of how I was feeling in the workplace, but I found it difficult to explain or help people understand what I was feeling and the effect this was having on me. Somebody would ask me if I was ok and I would say, “Oh, I’m fine”. But inside I was not feeling ok – far from it. I was really struggling and felt very lonely.
The negative voice in your head tells you that you’re not good enough, that you’ll get found out as unable to really do your job, that you’re a fraud, and you actually believe this voice.
I didn’t think anyone would listen to me or understand me, or – even worse – I really would get found out as a fraud and lose my career and job. I felt stuck, I certainly didn’t feel like I could speak out. I felt isolated and my anxiety was off the scale.
Reflecting back now, there wasn’t one single trigger that activated my imposter syndrome, but there was a pattern of symptoms getting worse each time I was promoted or moved into another company or role. The more successful I became and the higher I climbed in my career, the worse I felt, the more anxious and stressed I became, and the louder that negative voice became. The problem was, I didn’t know how to explain what was happening to me. Part of that was as a result of believing that self-doubting voice and mind propaganda, and also because I didn’t understand it myself!
Things are very different now. I chose to retrain as a clinical hypnotherapist after my own anxiety and imposter syndrome experiences led to burnout and other physical health problems. My training and personal experiences mean I now understand how our brains work and how they can convince us we aren’t very good, not good enough, a fraud, and that we strive for perfection because that’s the only way to keep doing what we’re doing and it’s exhausting.
All these thoughts and feelings are a result of the survival mechanism in the brain that leads to high levels of anxiety and stress, leaving people like I was, struggling with a range of debilitating mental and physical symptoms that make life difficult to cope with day-to-day.
How Does Hypnotherapy Help?
Hypnotherapy has helped me – in fact it led to me changing careers! Now my training and my experience help me to work with people just like me. I reconnect them with who they are, help them believe in themselves again and regain or discover their confidence. I help people understand how to start living their lives again so that it’s not just about surviving. It’s about living the life you want, to become the best version of yourself, and empowering you to take back control.
About the Author: Dawn Ibbetson is based in our Chelmsford clinic in Essex and sees clients both in person and online. As someone who has experienced anxiety and stress first hand, she understands how difficult it is to ask for help and to break the negative cycle of anxiety. Dawn specialises in Anxiety, Stress, Confidence, Pain and Business Success.
If you’d like to find out how hypnotherapy could help you to take back control from imposter syndrome and work-related stress, get in touch and book your FREE initial consultation.
