Marina Love, Solution Focused Hypnotherapist at Inspired to Change Aylesbury, explores why work Christmas party anxiety can take hold, even when you’re confident and comfortable in your day-to-day work. Drawing on her own experience and her understanding of how the brain responds to stress and uncertainty, Marina looks at why we can find ourselves overthinking the evening, feeling self-conscious and wondering how to get out of going altogether.
She also explores how changing the way you respond to these situations can help you feel calmer, more comfortable and more like yourself when socialising with work colleagues.
Work Christmas Party Anxiety: You’re Not Alone
What if the work Christmas party didn’t have to be something you spent weeks thinking about, worrying about or wishing you could get out of?
When the details land in your inbox, you might be curious to see where it’s being held, when it is or if there’s a theme. You might even think it will be good to see everyone outside of work.
But as the date gets closer, the thoughts start to creep in. Who’s going? Whose table will I be on? What am I going to wear? What will we talk about? I’m rubbish at small talk, it’s going to be a hassle getting there and back home…
And before you know it, you’re not just wondering whether you’ll enjoy the evening, you’re wondering how you could get out of going altogether. That’s work Christmas party anxiety, and it’s far more common than people let on.
I think a lot of people recognise this, although they might not necessarily talk openly about it. You can be perfectly comfortable in work situations and confident doing your job, and yet the thought of spending an evening socialising with the same group of people can feel strangely daunting.
I’ve definitely experienced this myself — looking for an escape route, while at the same time knowing that I’d probably regret it if I didn’t go. Because then there’s the other side of it: FOMO.
What if everyone has a brilliant night, talking about it for weeks afterwards, and you’re the one who wasn’t there?
And, depending on your workplace, there can even be a worry about what not going might say about you. Will people think you’re not a team player, or that you’re not really invested in the business or the people you work with?
So now you’re caught between not really wanting to go and not really wanting to miss it either. Work Christmas party anxiety tends to sit right in that gap.
Why Work Christmas Party Anxiety Takes Up So Much Headspace
Work Christmas party anxiety is where something that is, in reality, just one evening can start to feel much bigger than it is.
And that’s often how our stress levels build. It’s not always one big thing that overwhelms us, but the accumulation of lots of smaller things that each take up a little bit of space. Your work, family, life admin and everything else you’re already carrying are there, and now, after spending days or even weeks turning it over in your mind, the Christmas party has added to them.
You can think of it a bit like having an internal stress bucket. The party itself might not seem like a particularly big thing, but when there’s already a lot of worries or things you’re uncertain about in the bucket, all those thoughts and questions around it can start to feel much bigger than they otherwise would.
And the more you think about something, the more important your brain starts to believe it is. You can find yourself going over the same questions again and again, trying to work out how the evening will go or how you can avoid feeling uncomfortable.
Why You Feel Fine at Work but Awkward at the Party
At work, you know exactly who you are. You’ve got a role, a way of talking and things you’re there to do. Even the small talk has a recognisable work dialogue: How’s that project going? Did you see the email about Thursday? There are always things to talk about, and that structure makes most things easier.
The Christmas party removes a lot of that structure in one go. There’s no agenda, no clear role and no obvious reason to be talking to the person next to you. You’re also seeing your colleagues in a completely different setting. They’re dressed up, having a drink, eating, dancing and behaving differently, and they’re seeing you in that setting too.
For some people, particularly if they’re newer to working life, it can feel like two worlds that have always been kept separate are suddenly colliding. You might be completely comfortable socialising with your friends, but your work colleagues are a different story because you’re used to being ‘work you’ around them.
Alongside wondering what you’re going to talk about, you can start thinking about how you’re coming across and what’s expected of you. You’re supposed to relax, be yourself and have fun, but when you’re already feeling a little self-conscious, that can be much harder than doing your job well.
This is also where the different parts of your brain come into play. When you’re feeling calm, the rational, intellectual part of your brain is better able to think things through, put things into perspective and recognise that these are people you already know and that there’s really nothing you need to be worried about.
But when your stress levels are already high, you’re more emotional, primitive brain becomes alert to anything that feels uncertain or uncomfortable. So you can know all of this intellectually and still feel nervous.
You can tell yourself, I know these people, nobody is judging me, I don’t have to perform, but that doesn’t necessarily stop the uncomfortable feeling. Mind has more on social anxiety and where to get support.
What If You Didn’t Feel So Self-Conscious?
Easing work Christmas party anxiety doesn’t mean becoming the loudest person in the room, being brilliant at small talk or suddenly loving dancing in front of your colleagues. The aim isn’t to turn you into someone you’re not.
It’s about feeling comfortable enough to relax and be yourself, rather than spending the evening concerned about how you’re coming across or what you should say next.
Instead of walking in already worrying about how the evening is going to go, you can let things unfold naturally. You can talk to the person next to you, join in with a conversation, have a laugh and move on when you want to, without constantly analysing whether you’re doing it right.
The more your attention can move away from monitoring yourself and towards what’s actually happening around you, the easier it becomes to be present and enjoy the experience rather than worrying about what might happen next.
Feel Calmer Going Into Party Season
If you’ve spent years thinking that you’re just not very good at this sort of thing, it can be easy to assume that this is just who you are. Maybe you’re the person who always wants to leave early, avoids the dance floor, feels awkward making conversation or starts looking for an excuse not to go.
But you don’t have to stay this way. Whether this is something you’ve always found difficult or it’s a situation you’re not used to, the way you feel and respond in social situations can change. You don’t have to keep having the same experience every year.
Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can help you understand what work Christmas party anxiety is doing in your brain when the anticipation starts to build, while focusing on how you’d like things to feel instead.
The aim isn’t to make you someone who suddenly loves every aspect of a work Christmas party. It’s to help you feel calmer and more comfortable with yourself, so that you can walk through the door without all the mental noise building beforehand, talk to people without constantly thinking about how you’re coming across, and actually be there for the good parts of the evening.
Because the person who can confidently lead a meeting, have a difficult conversation or get on with their job every day hasn’t disappeared. It’s still you. You’re just responding differently in this particular situation, and that’s something you can change.
If this is you and you’d like to feel more comfortable and confident in social situations, you’re welcome to book a free consultation and we can chat it through to see if I might be able to help.
About the Author
Marina Love spent 20 years working in SMEs alongside founders and realised it’s not usually one big thing that overwhelms us, but the accumulation of lots of little things that never quite let your mind switch off. Marina now supports people both online and in person across Aylesbury Vale, Buckinghamshire.
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