In this blog, Madi Kish, Solution Focused Hypnotherapist at Inspired to Change Tunbridge Wells, explores the mental health impact of discovering you’re neurodivergent later in life. Drawing on both her professional experience and her own lived experience, Madi shares why a late diagnosis can bring both relief and new challenges – and how understanding the way your brain works can be an important step towards greater self-compassion and a future that feels right for you.
“You know, I’ve been thinking recently that I might have ADHD…”
“Oh really? I think I might be autistic… there’s so much that I’ve been struggling with lately…”
I’ve been hearing so many versions of this same conversation over and over again – and every time, it stuns me how many people have made it through to adulthood without anyone spotting the signs.
Then again, as an ex-primary school teacher, I did an awful lot of training and in-class assessments, catching onto patterns quickly to support my students, whilst being completely blind to the warning signs in my own behaviour!
So, why can a late diagnosis have such an impact on your mental health?
The Mental Health Impact Before a Late Diagnosis
Before receiving a diagnosis, many neurodivergent adults can spend years believing there is something fundamentally wrong with them. Without an explanation for their differences, everyday struggles with organisation, sensory overwhelm, social situations, emotional regulation or executive functioning are often interpreted as personal failings rather than signs of a different neurotype.
Research exploring the experiences of adults diagnosed later in life found that many described feeling “different” or “like an alien” throughout childhood and adulthood, without having a framework to understand why (Huang et al., Diagnosis of autism in adulthood: A scoping review, 2020). This lack of understanding can have a significant impact on mental health, contributing to chronic stress, low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
Delayed diagnosis has also been linked to poorer mental health outcomes for autistic women in particular, whose difficulties are often overlooked due to masking and camouflaging behaviours (UK NHS Health Research Authority). Research by Bargiela, Steward and Mandy (2016) found that many late-diagnosed autistic women spent years consciously studying and copying others in an attempt to appear “normal”, often at the cost of significant exhaustion and burnout. Over time, constantly trying to meet expectations that do not align with the way your brain works can create a deep sense of shame, inadequacy and self-criticism.
Neurodivergence Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
I do want to point out that the research cited above is focused mainly on autism, but it’s important to remember that the term ‘neurodivergent’ covers a range of conditions and experiences, including but not limited to ADHD, autism, BPD, learning disabilities, PTSD and OCD. For every condition or experience that takes you outside of the neurotypical sphere, the impact of being undiagnosed or unsupported is likely to be significant.
Our understanding of neurodivergence is also evolving, with increasing recognition that it can encompass both lifelong neurological differences, such as autism and ADHD, and what is sometimes described as ‘acquired neurodivergence’, where changes in cognition or behaviour develop following illness, injury, trauma or mental health difficulties. NHS England acknowledges that people with experiences of trauma, mental health conditions and acquired brain injury can be considered neurodivergent. This broader understanding is important because neurodivergence is not a one-size-fits-all experience, and neither is the impact it can have on your mental health.
While the specific challenges may differ, the common thread is often years spent struggling without understanding why, blaming yourself for difficulties that are not character flaws, and trying to meet expectations that may not align with the way your brain works. When we lack the language or understanding to make sense of our experiences, it can take a substantial toll on our mental health, self-esteem and sense of identity.
The Mental Health Impact After a Late Diagnosis
Many people are desperate to get a late diagnosis because they expect everything to feel so much easier once they’ve had this confirmed – and for some people, this really can be the case! Medical confirmation that you’re not just ‘making it all up’ can be extremely validating and can help you seek out the accommodations you need in the wider world. A diagnosis may not change who you are, but it can provide the understanding needed to make sense of past experiences and begin replacing self-criticism with self-compassion.
However, a lot of people notice that it feels a bit like a step backwards in some respects: their symptoms seem stronger, they notice MORE symptoms, or their mental health gets worse.
Permission to Unmask
For some people, this is the result of having ‘permission’ to finally take the mask off. Personally, I have found that I struggle so much more with loud noises and sensory stimulation than I used to – sometimes leading to meltdowns and panic attacks. I could cope with it before, so why not now?
It’s almost like I don’t have to act like I’m OK with it anymore. Rather than having a delayed response and reacting to overstimulation after the fact, I feel it all in the moment so much more these days.
<h3>Anticipation of Life After a Late Diagnosis</h3>
For others, it may be due to the build-up and anticipation of what life might be like after a diagnosis. There is so much hope that everything will change and get better for you, your symptoms will be managed, and life will be so much easier. But the reality is that your life can stay very much the same.
When your expectations are dashed about something you were feeling so hopeful about, it can lead to some really negative feelings and emotions.
Giving the Diagnosis Importance
It can also be down to the fact that when we focus on something, this sends a signal to our brains that this thing is important, and so we notice it more.
Have you ever wondered why, once you start playing ‘yellow car’ with someone on a long drive, all of a sudden you’re surrounded by yellow cars? You’ve told your brain to notice yellow cars, and so that becomes the focus. Don’t want to scratch an itch? That itch is important, so now you can’t think about anything else!
Once you’ve got a diagnosis, it’s often hard to think of anything else, so your brain ends up noticing more and more when you act in a way that lines up with it. It can feel like your symptoms are getting worse or that you’re picking up new stims and habits. They might have always been there – but your brain is only just spotting them now.
How Inspired to Change Can Help
So now you have the diagnosis, but you’re spotting more symptoms and your mental health is still a challenge – what next?
Solution focused hypnotherapy can be a great stepping stone to kickstart the life that you’ve been looking for ever since you first started lining your toys up or ordering your sweets into colours (who else makes sure they’re eating Skittles in even numbers and saving the reds ’til last?).
Emptying the Stress Bucket
As someone who has been living with undiagnosed neurodivergence, your stress bucket may have been filled regularly with the stresses previously discussed: dealing with situations you didn’t understand, sensory issues, mental rehearsal, masking… the list really does go on.
At Inspired to Change, we have two main focuses when working with clients: firstly, to help you empty your stress bucket , and secondly, to learn how to stop filling it up so much in the first place!
Once you start emptying your bucket, you’ll have the mental freedom and clarity to start making sense of what you want your future to actually look like and learn to confidently make decisions for yourself. Part of this process is also about changing where you direct your attention. When you have spent years focusing on what is
difficult, what is going wrong or which symptoms you need to manage, it can take time to notice the things that are working well.
Rather than trying to ignore the challenges, solution focused work encourages you to deliberately look for your strengths, recognise what is already going well and identify the moments when things feel a little easier. Over time, this can help you build a different relationship with your experiences, shifting the focus from everything that feels wrong towards what you can influence and build upon.
Supporting Better Sleep
We also help you get your sleep patterns working more effectively, so that you can properly process the events of the previous day and wake up refreshed, ready to take on the day.
As part of the solution focused process, you are encouraged to listen to an audio designed to induce trance before bed, helping you settle your mind and create the conditions for better-quality sleep. We also encourage you to spend a few minutes each evening writing down what has been good about your day. This might be something you have achieved, something you have enjoyed, a moment that went better than expected, or simply something you are grateful for.
The aim isn’t to pretend that difficult things haven’t happened, but to deliberately give your brain some time to notice what is going well, rather than allowing it to automatically focus on everything that went wrong. Together, these small practices support the wider process of shifting your attention towards what is working and building on the small steps that move you towards the future you want.
Your Late Diagnosis Doesn’t Define Your Future
Regardless of whether you have a diagnosis, are waiting on a diagnosis, or have decided you don’t need a diagnosis, you still deserve to live a life that fits with how your brain works now.
Book your free consultation with one of our hypnotherapists today to learn how Inspired to Change can support you on your mental health journey.
About the Author
Madi Kish is a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist at Inspired to Change. She works primarily with adults experiencing anxiety, overwhelm and low confidence, including many who identify as neurodivergent or are exploring a late diagnosis. This is an area Madi is particularly passionate about through both her professional and lived experience with ADHD and autism.
